Remember that time dad forgot your birthday? Or came to your school in a much too tight Led Zeppelin T-shirt? Or all the stupid stories about your childhood he loves to tell? Well, it seems like he deserves a really, really bad Father’s Day gift in return. But forget Winnie the Pooh necktie (he might decide to wear it!), World’s Worst Dad socks (ibid., with sandals) or even a Gillette, given with that meaningful look (spare yourself the horror of seeing it unpacked in the bathroom, and papa’s beard still unshaved.) Instead, get him one of these – and pay with his credit card. As a child of the recession, you don’t have your own money, do you?
For bargain hunters, Jimmy Choo coffee cup holder, on sale for just $126. For lovers of subtle luxury, Hermes crocodile skin T-shirt with a price tag of $91,500. Or a $55,000 backpack, designed by Damien Hirst for The Row – just as gimmicky as Hirst’s $12m stuffed shark, but easier to carry around! Yet nothing says “I love you” like $19K gold shoelaces from Mr. Kennedy. A “shoestring budget” pun, anyone?
Oh, you do have money and/or a non-embarrassing father? Hmm, your life sounds too perfect to be true. I’m sure something bad happened to you recently – a terrible breakup, perhaps? If so, forget buying shoes and crashing cars. That’s too mainstream. You’ll waste more cash on one of these little treats:
Victoria’s Secret Fantasy Bra, for just $2,5m, comes with a claim to fame as the second person to ever buy one. Beauty is priceless, so how about a 250,000 black diamond nail polish? Diamonds alone are also a nice investment – fancy a 40 million piece of bling? And if you’re more fashion forward, consider buying a $61,000 polyester jacket and a $68,000 grunge babydoll dress, designed for Saint Laurent by Hedi Slimane – the least critically acclaimed designer of the moment.
Now, on a serious note: while I have nothing against some clothes and accessories being expensive, if it means better quality and working conditions, these items are utterly ridiculous and give fashion a bad name. Worse than the one your daddy gave you – even if it’s Barbarella.