Let’s get filthy. Let’s get graphic. Here’s the tracklist you’ve been waiting for (or not): six totally random songs about
making love fucking, listed from oldest to newest. Are you ready? Sexual intercourse began in nineteen sixty-three…
1. Please please me by The Beatles. …Between the end of the “Chatterley” ban/And the Beatles’ first LP. Being the single that, according to Philip Larkin, gave birth to sex as we know it, this one just had to be here. Even though, by today’s standards, it’s not at all explicit. Anyway, it’s orgasmically good.
2. Lady Marmalade by Patti LaBelle. Another of the songs you know, but probably can’t name. Hint: it’s the one that taught everybody one sentence in French. (Dexter’s “Omelette du fromage” is not a sentence!)
3. Physical by Olivia Newton-John. Believe it or not, as late as 1981, this one was banned from many radio stations. Today, we hear it in gyms all over the world. (Maybe not in Saudi Arabia. But do they even have gyms in Saudi Arabia? How does one work out in a burqua? Sorry, just kidding.)
4. The Bad Touch by Bloodhound Gang. I remember liking this song very much when I was six. Recently, I watched the videoclip, and paid attention to the lyrics, and my childhood got ruined.
5. Candy Shop by 50 Cent. In my primary school, we were forbidden to listen to, sing or quote this massive 2005 hit. Again, I didn’t know why. Why ban a cute song about lollipops? Is it because they’re unhealthy or something?
6. Not Fair by Lily Allen. A good song about bad sex. Singing it to your boyfriend, under any circumstances, is a crime. Unless he’s really that useless, it which case do sing it until he gets the message!
7. S&M by Rihanna. Rihanna liked S&M before some rather grey individual made it cool. (No, guys, I will not make a Chris Brown joke. Just. No.)
And what are your favourite sex songs? Don’t be selfish, share them in the comments!