Give a girl the right shoes, and she can conquer the world – goes one of fashion’s favourite clichés. I have no proof that it is false. We never know. Perhaps Angela Merkel’s hidden secret is her magical footwear. Maybe Margaret Thatcher did what she did thanks to wearing the perfect pumps. However, the opposite is definitely true: give a girl the wrong shoes, and she cannot conquer the world.
Just think about it. I don’t think you can lead many demonstrations in 6-inch Louboutins. Or climb Mount Everest, or win a marathon. Or even get to work on time without losing your teeth on the tube stairs. And, unless you are Renate Richter from Iron Sky, your stunning stilettos won’t help you kill zombies, either.
Don’t let your shoes slow you down. Get yourself some fabulous flats.
Hey, but high heels are gorgeous! And sexy! They show you’ve got class! They give a girl confidence! And many women actually find them more comfortable than flats!
I know, I know. And, guess what? If we lived a century earlier, we’d be hearing exactly the same words used to defend what has become the most politically incorrect garments ever: corsets. (Yes, especially the comfort argument was thrown around to death. Apparently, some Victorian and Edwardian ladies got as used to having their innards crushed as some contemporaries are to having blisters and not being able to run. Well, to each their own.)
You see, I totally love corsets. I own a few lovely, super tight ones I hardly ever wear, and a bunch of “corsets with a human face” I put on to very special parties, or for meetings when I’ve ran out of shirts. A few times, inspired by Easy A, I even went to school wearing one. The same applies to stilettos: I have a beautiful collection, but only ever browse it when getting ready for the rare event where all I’ll have to do is sit down and feel like Marilyn Monroe (not the real Marilyn, of course. I don’t mean sitting down and wanting to kill myself.)
But if I ever get to conquer the world thanks to shoes, it will most likely by the pink slippers my mom got me for Christmas. Because that’s what I’m wearing right now.